I can't cope with the loneliness....

Updated: Sep 17

More than anything else I hear how lonely people are after they have broken up with someone. For me it was evenings and weekends, I had lots of dogs that I could walk during the day and for some reason during the week there always seemed plenty to do but weekends and evenings used to stretch out before me and I dreaded them.

I knew I was going to be lonely at weekends so I started to plan for them and in the end I looked forward to them, you just need to be brave to take the first steps. The VERY worst thing you can do is sit still…

Sitting still,not moving makes you think about your problems over and over again, you have to get moving because when you are moving it stops you thinking, and when you are moving forward it stops you from looking backwards, and one of the keys to moving on quickly is making future plans.

I know you wont WANT to do anything because you will tell me you don’t want to do them on your own but give it a go, trust me, not only is it much easier than you think but its almost much more enjoyable as well. Did you ever go somewhere with your ex and hate the whole day because you argued or barely talked ? Well now you can do things just to please yourself, and you WILL enjoy it.

When I was newly single I was convinced that everyone would pretty much point at me and stare, like I had a giant sign to say I was single and sad… they didn’t, no one took a blind bit of notice that I was on my own. At first I went to the local supermarket, got food I really liked and my ex didn’t, I would get all the ingredients for a really lovely dish that I knew I would enjoy and go home and cook it and enjoy it.

Go out to somewhere you love, like a favourite beach, mountain or wood, take your camera and try and take some great photos of a place you really enjoy, stop at a coffee shop and have a drink and cake or something to eat, if being on your own puts you off make sure you always have a book to read, or a notebook to write in, I used to make notes about my day or write a shopping list or a bucket list. Join a gym, go to an antique or trade fair, go to an art exhibition or museum – no one notices you are on your own at those places, people are too busy doing their own thing. Visit some local architecture, go to a town or city you’ve never been to before. Volunteer! This is a great one for realising actually how well off you are even when you are feeling alone and miserable, if you volunteer for the homeless or the aged, just commit to a couple of hours a week you will turn your loneliness into gratitude because there are always people worse off that you are. If you like animals then go to the local rescue centre and volunteer to take the dogs for walks or give them a groom. If you are into sports then volunteer to steward at events, such as race marshaling for marathons etc. Not only will you be part of a team and feel like you are involved but it will also get you back into the swing of meeting new people and talking to new people. When you are feeling lonely you don’t have to be on your own, that is a choice.

Other great ways to relieve loneliness are :-

  • SING yes that’s right, sing at the top of your voice, put your favourite happy song on and sing for all your worth, whatever you do please stay away from sad songs though, nothing by Alanis Morrisette, Nirvana or anything else that makes you feel depressed…. • DANCE – again put on some tunes you love and DANCE, if you have kids then get them up and dancing as well, I defy anyone to feel sad or lonely when you are dancing…. • Visit a friend or relative you haven’t seen in ages • Go to the cinema, once again, trust me no one cares if you are on your own. By the biggest pot of popcorn or bag of sweets and watch a film, preferably something funny or empowering. • Plan a trip or vacation that you’ve been longing to do • Rearrange your furniture, plan a big decorating project in your home. • Start planning a future, get a beautiful notebook and plan what your life will look like in 1 year, 5 years and 10 years. When we look to the future it stops us looking to the past and makes us look forward, this is where you need to focus on right now.

  • Join a gym

  • Volunteer - When you see people less fortunate than yourself you'll wonder what you have to complain about.

  • Get a job - anything, just a few hours or full time, you'll meet people and get a sense of purpose

  • Find a local group - craft group or book club, there is always something going on somewhere

  • If you work for yourself join a networking group or two and meet like minded people

  • Take an evening class - learn a language and plan a holiday to use it, or take an art or photography class, whatever interests you.

Loneliness can be overwhelming and debilitating, the key thing is to get up and start DOING. Just decide to take one small step towards doing something, and then another and then another, if you do that then the loneliness will pass and you will feel more and more empowered and self-confident every day. When we stop moving we start things and dwelling on our thoughts and emotions and get stuck in the feelings.

You can keep calling it loneliness or you can start calling it independence...So, what's your next chapter going to be? Are you going to stay in Heartbreak Hell or is this the first step to your transformation? When you decide Transformation come into my Facebook Group and get more tips and motivation to move forward. Divorce/Break up Support for Women

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